Growing up is a scary topic. I want to grow up and yet, I don't want to and I'm sure everybody feels that way sometimes. But it's just all becoming too much, don't you think?
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1. Clubbing
I, for one, just want to be young and free from all the wildness a teen is exposed to. Suddenly at the age of 16, all your friends are drinking and at 18, they're clubbing. Don't get me wrong, I am not against drinking and I drink as well. But drinking so often, is that necessary and even all that healthy? Occasionally drinking is fine but is that all you can do when you just want to hang out and talk? It's not drinking that I have an issue with anyway, it's clubbing.
Ok, just my personal opinion -
I think clubbing is a very sleazy thing to do. It's just a place which attracts bad elements like alcohol. Where there's alcohol, many many many things can happen. And I mean bad things. I have friends who club and who actually let loose of themselves in there, and they just turn into a completely wild person. I'm not saying they don't have the rights to because they do as a single individual who just wants a party night out, but sometimes the things they do really surprises me. Making out with a someone whom they don't recall dancing with, giving their numbers to guys every single time they go. If their intention was to make friends, then fine, I have nothing to say. But if not, why are you acting like such a sleazeball? I don't judge them for the way they live their lives. Just because they behave like this in clubs does not mean they are a bad person because they're not. Some are my closest friends and I love them a hell lot. It's just that that's the way they have fun. But every time they tell me their stories of when they club, it just scares me so much? The fact that we're all so grown up scares me to the very core. Granted that some people do go to clubs just for the sake of the music or a relaxing night out with their friends but there's just going to be all these people there, trying to hook up with somebody and the next thing you know, you're going to be dragged out to the dance floor with them and be grinded against. Ok I know it sounds really far-fetched but that's just it.
Humans are unpredictable.
They can say one thing and do the other. I can't and never will trust someone fully and it's not unreasonable that I feel that way because there's just so many people out there who does this kind of things to others everyday. And maybe I'm someone who feels so much for the world (not trying to sound noble or anything like that because it's actually not all that good of a personality?) that I don't trust anybody to mean what they really say at times. I'm a skeptical little bitch, who questions your sincerity even if you've never done me wrong before. And growing up does that to you. You know so much of the world's screw ups you think it's scary and bad place to live in. Which it is. But I choose to see the little 'happys' in life that makes the wickedness of everything disappears. But in conversations like this, it brings me back to thinking when did everything become so wild? When did everybody become such hypocrites? Growing up with a sane mind, it really leads to so much thinking and analysing of the worldly view of what it means to have fun.
Now I am the kind who's idea of a fun night would be sitting on the bed and stay up talking for the entire night. A fun night out can be just going out, preferably not drinking. However the two people closest to me are the party people. They're completely opposite and everything I've never wanted to be, and never will be. But I love them to bits and think that life will be pretty boring if they weren't like who they are right now. Especially my boyfriend. I wish I met him at a later and more mature age, when he's grown out of this party nature. Now, I'm not saying I regret being with him. I'm just saying I would have had learnt to have a maturer mind than I do right this moment, and I wouldn't let my insecurities get the better of me. It's not a matter of whether I trust him or not because I do, but as mentioned, I have a very bad impression of people who goes to clubs and thus, I'm bound to feel uncomfortable especially since I'm unable to join him. Where there's alcohol, there's bound to be trouble. However, I can't possibly restrict him from doing what he wants just because I don't like it so whatever happens, happens. (and I pray to God nothing bad will ever happen)
My mind's always a mess when I approach this topic because I simply just can't wrap my head around it. So I just let it be until such conversations arises again and the vicious cycle starts all over again.
2. Future
Every single day, my parents tell me to get into university. It's not like I don't want to because I am working hard for it, but I could do so much better without the constant pressure and reminder that I may never live up to their expectations. Yes, I know it's a typical teenager kinda issue and I really hate to fall into that category but I am held powerlessly against it unfortunately.
The reaction to everything I have to and want to tell them about my studies and/or future, the million dollar question would be, "are you still able to get into university?" I really do get that they have my best interest at heart because who wouldn't want their children to have a good degree so as to have a better future? But that doesn't have to be of utmost importance, does it?
I know what I want to do in the future and I know it will not be easy to get there but I am working for it. Not as hard as I should be but at least I'm trying. And I yearn for a day where I don't have to hear the words "you" and "university" together in a sentence.
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Why can't things go back to being so simple? When I was 16 where I was worrying about my studies and what I should eat for lunch, rather than 18 worrying about money and what my future will be like. I wanna skip the in betweens and just get to adulthood already. I know I'm a teen now and my thoughts may differ in the future but that does not mean what I'm feeling now is of no legitimacy. As I always say, go with the flow and cross the bridge if you come to it.
Wow, 2am thoughts really are of frustrations and deep thinking.
