penny for my thoughts

"It's the little things."

A phrase I heard one too many times this year.

But it never hit me as hard as it did today - in a positive way.

I'm afraid, of numerous things.

I'm afraid of butterflies.

I'm afraid of not being on time when I should be.

I'm afraid of mismatching my outfits.

But I'm terrified that your affection for me would fade one day.

I give.

That's what's making me hesitant of accepting your actions towards me; your generosity and your protection.

Part of me tells me to let myself fall for you because I am safe in your hands.

Part of me tells me to reject your offers because if it turns out to be just infatuation, I wouldn't be hurt as much.

Like, I want to know what's going on in your life.

And I was surprised that I felt a little jealous when you mentioned you told your ex girlfriend your family issues and not me.

I didn't want to pry because I wanted you to tell me willingly.

But I don't have the rights to feel that way, you see?

I'm not anyone to you.

It's adorable how shy you get when you talk about me, all smiles and whatnot.

It makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl on earth.

At that moment, I dare to say "I want to be with you".

I wanna hold your hand and when we hug, I never wanna let you go, you know?

However, when I'm in my bed at night, that courage fades and "Are you sure?" fills my mind.

Bffl has a good vibe from you because she can tell that you're sincere.

She says she feels right by handing me over to you.

It's reassuring to me, honestly.
I wouldn't know what to do without her.

Also, I've been praying about this.
Just for God to show me a sign that he sent you to me, to make me a better person.
I've got nothing so far.
I'm still waiting though.
In His time :)

...

Sigh.

Show me?
Show me I'll be taking a step in the right direction by letting you become a big part of my life.